Sometimes a first kiss can be all wrong.
You may remember "Sweet Lips," the cute, kinda sexy guy I introduced in the cast of characters section of my first post. We had been out on a few casual dates, I thought he was intriguing, and he kissed me like he meant it.
A couple of weeks can change a lot. Come Monday of this week and I was just plain bored with him. His "mysteriousness" seemed more like laziness, and, call me high maintenance, but I need a little more than a text every few days to make me feel pursued, adored, and all of the other things I like to feel from a man. Besides, a lot can happen in two weeks when you fall off the radar...like Medina.
So when Sweet Lips asked to hang out this week I reluctantly invited him to join me for Trivia night at a local bar and then immediately regretted it. Ugh. Don't really feel like hanging out with him. It's a little too much work. I'm bored with this guy. Just not that into him. Medina on the brain. But, as is par for my course, I went back and forth in my mind until it was too late to cancel and not look like a total douche.
Sweet Lips showed up at my house to pick me up for Trivia and this time he didn't look so cute or mysterious. He looked like a dork who thinks too highly of himself. He maintained his cool, aloof attitude, leaving it up to me to initiate conversation and not really looking me in the eye. I found myself wondering, why the hell did you even ask to drive almost two hours to see me if you don't actually want to look at me. Was he nervous? Too cool? An asshole? Either way, it was suddenly totally unattractive. What did I see in this guy to begin with? At one point I was kind of into this guy? How could my visceral reaction change so dramatically in a couple of weeks?
And then I remembered the Theory of Relationship Relativism--we read men in relation to other men. For example, coming out of my last relationship, a relationship with a control freak who couldn't stand for me to have friends of the opposite sex and even got jealous of my girlfriends, any man who even asked me "what did you do today" became unattractive to me. In fact, I developed an immediate and incredibly strong aversion to those men because comments like these were interpreted as a control freak's attempt to dig info out of me. A simple question felt like an interrogation. So compared to the ASSHOLE (the nickname we'll give my psycho controlling ex), Sweet Lips's detached demeanor was "sexy." But compared to Medina, Sweet Lips just looked like an asshole.
When he dropped me off later that night, I thought to myself, well...at least maybe I can get one last sexy goodnight kiss out of this guy. When he leaned in for a kiss I hesitated, even pulled back. "You're not going to kiss me?" he asked. Despite my better instincts, I thought, what the hell? and leaned in to meet his lips. Five minutes later, I left the car with two swollen lips because, in the words of the lovely Charlotte York, "he raped my face! I'm never seeing him again." AMEN. Fare thee well, Sucker Lips.
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